Who better to offer marriage advice than those who contend with the
end of it, every singe day? Read on for relationship wisdom bombs from
15 divorce professionals who collectively share hundreds of years of
experience helping couples end their marriages.
“Be true to yourself. If deep-down you really want kids, don’t tell
yourself it will be enough to be a stepmom. You will ultimately resent
your spouse, and it will come out in passive-aggressive ways. If you
really want someone who won’t come home until 10 p.m. because he’s out
hustling and making a lot of money — don’t marry a blue-collar guy,
because you won’t be happy. Don’t think you can change the other person. You can’t.” — Alyssa Eisner, Sager Gellerman Eisner, New York City.
“Be judicious with social media. Healthy relationships require spending time together in real life, and social media can be a hazardous distraction. Broadcasting the details (good or bad) of your relationship is a recipe for disaster.” —Zephyr Hill, Goldberg Jones in San Diego, CA
“Synchronize. Avoid most arguments by
making it more difficult, if not impossible, to forget things by using
synchronized lists, calendaring apps, and the like. Synchronize
financial information so spouses can keep track of combined income
and expenses, avoid bouncing checks from joint accounts, and hopefully
eliminate financial ‘surprises’ that can create marital conflict.” – Mark Baer, Pasadena, Calif.
“Sex and intimacy are key parts of your marriage that can get lost – especially once you have kids. Put
the sweatpants down and the lipstick on, because you need to make the
effort for your spouse, even if you don’t always feel like it.” – Morghan Richardson, Richardson Legal, New York City
“If you get involved with someone who is
divorced, seek out a copy of the complaint and answer in the divorce
(not the Final Judgment of Divorce) so you can see the allegations
against the individual, i.e. domestic violence, adultery or maybe just
irreconcilable differences. You will have a better understanding of the
type of person you are dating. –Francine Gargano, Somerville, N.J.
“ Maintain some mystery in your relationship, but not where your values about money are concerned.
One very sure way to doom your relationship is to ignore your
respective financial habits and goals. You’ll fight and you’ll quickly
cede power, become resentful, or both. And
make sure you have an emergency plan — like a credit card of your own —
because you never know when you’ll have to use it.” –– Casey Greenfield, Greenfield Labby, New York City